"The first thing we do," said the character in Shakespeare's Henry VI, is "kill all the lawyers." How many times have we all heard people say they hate lawyers? Of course, they hate lawyers - until they need one. Divorce lawyers are plentiful, so apparently a lot of people need them. How can the supply of lawyers, particularly divorce lawyers be reduced? The simple answer is to reduce the demand for lawyers. So, how can the demand for divorce lawyers can be reduced by a reduction in divorces?
One gentleman who has been married for 50 years said that his successful marriage was due to the disputes he and his wife had and that they talked through. Invariably, the wife was happy each time just at having had the the talk, even though it was a dispute. The husband was just happy that his wife was satisfied.
This "confrontational communication" is a controlled conflict or “controlled burn”, which may lessen the incidents of uncontrolled conflict between spouses. This also applies to unmarried parties in a relationship. The controlled burn is like a controlled burn in a forest, which is designed to lessen the chances of a major fire. Deliberately setting organized, planned fires in a contained area of the forest to prevent an out-of-control fire with extensive damage may be a good metaphorical lesson for the success of a marital or other personal relationship.
The gentleman's solution describes “strategic conflict” as the method of timing conflict in a personal relationship to release silent friction in the relationship. Friction is brewing below the surface most of the time - it is just a matter of degree. Once that degree reaches the boiling point, then the communication is uncontrolled, explosive and counter-productive, often leaving permanent resentment and scars. The scars can last through the current relationship, and even into future ones with a short fuse or preconceived ideas of the new love interest, such as lack of trust.
One gentleman who has been married for 50 years said that his successful marriage was due to the disputes he and his wife had and that they talked through. Invariably, the wife was happy each time just at having had the the talk, even though it was a dispute. The husband was just happy that his wife was satisfied.
This "confrontational communication" is a controlled conflict or “controlled burn”, which may lessen the incidents of uncontrolled conflict between spouses. This also applies to unmarried parties in a relationship. The controlled burn is like a controlled burn in a forest, which is designed to lessen the chances of a major fire. Deliberately setting organized, planned fires in a contained area of the forest to prevent an out-of-control fire with extensive damage may be a good metaphorical lesson for the success of a marital or other personal relationship.
The gentleman's solution describes “strategic conflict” as the method of timing conflict in a personal relationship to release silent friction in the relationship. Friction is brewing below the surface most of the time - it is just a matter of degree. Once that degree reaches the boiling point, then the communication is uncontrolled, explosive and counter-productive, often leaving permanent resentment and scars. The scars can last through the current relationship, and even into future ones with a short fuse or preconceived ideas of the new love interest, such as lack of trust.
What are your thoughts about timing conflict, whether you need it or not?
Michael S. Price, Esq., Florida Supreme Court Certified Circuit Civil Mediator, 1616 Jork Rd., Suite 102, Jacksonville, FL 32207; telephone (904) 396-4445; e-mail mprice@michaelpricelaw.com. Michael S. Price focuses on disputes related to divorce, criminal law, real estate, contracts, construction, leasing, foreclosure, property defects, binder deposits, probate, family owned property and disputes related to business, partnerships and shareholders.
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